Last week, I suddenly had to fly to my hometown in Turkey to attend my uncle’s funeral. Although this wasn’t the first funeral I attended, it was the first one that I helped with organizational work. This experience taught me so many tiny details I wasn’t aware of or never realized that they happened in funerals. I still don’t know why we did many small things that way; I also didn’t ask. Even if I asked, I know nobody could have answered logically.
After the funeral, I was talking with a German friend. I told him that I learned many things about my culture in three days. While I was explaining the traditions I wasn’t aware of, he said those are more rituals than traditions. I couldn’t agree more. They are better than traditions.
One example is carrying the coffin. After the special funeral prayer, people grab the encoffined body from its resting table to carry to the burial place. In a matter of seconds, tens of people try grabbing the coffin and putting it on their shoulders. While people are rushing, they also race with each other to carry it at least for a few seconds. The coffin moves very slowly, but everyone acts quickly. Nobody thinks or talks; no one has priority to carry the coffin; everyone carries it for a few seconds and hands over the duty to the next person giving a hand. This goes on until the coffin is in the burial place. This act means they show their respect and love by carrying the person on their shoulders, above themselves, on the person’s last journey before they become part of the soil, going back to Mother Earth. This behavior is not a tradition. It’s a ritual. It shows the relatives of the person inside the coffin that the person was respected and loved.
These kinds of rituals are beautiful and meaningful. They bring people together and close. They help form the community. When things become rituals, we do it regardless of how it goes and still feel grateful, joyful, and respectful. And that’s how things are supposed to happen.
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