A lot of events happen around us every day—at work, at home, in the city, the country, or the world. New movies come out, concerts are planned, and new books are launched day after day. We glance at them as we prepare our never-ending to-do list, which reaches an all-time high. We envy people who are lucky enough to cross those events from their list and who are not hesitant to let the world know that they did. Looking at our lives again after a look on Instagram, we feel that something must be wrong.
In our struggle to allocate time or money, we prioritize places where our friends go, read bestsellers or popular books, and watch TV series everyone talks about. That popularity-driven mindset lays off consciousness and puts FOMO (fear of missing out) into the driver’s seat. This journey often seems never to end. But there is a way to take back the seat from FOMO.
In the last few years, I began seeking inconvenience and reducing my interactions with attention-seeker pop culture applications. While everything is trying to get my attention by offering me convenience, entertainment, or a feeling that I (should) belong to a group, I stay away from many of them. I rarely watch movies, TV series, or TV itself. I don’t read daily or the latest news. I try traveling less (it doesn’t always work, but I try). I don’t use social media like Instagram, Twitter (X), Facebook, or TikTok. After consistently doing these things, I discovered a new feeling: instead of living with FOMO, I now embrace living with the Joy Of Missing Out (JOMO).
As I miss out on a lot of things, my favorite phrase became “I don’t know,” and this gives me joy. The delight of not knowing what’s happening in the world at any time is immeasurable. Life is much more fun when I don’t spend hours reading the daily news that I forget in a week, scrolling Instagram to see a ton of ads and posts from accounts I don’t follow, watching a mediocre but popular TV series, or reading an average but heavily marketed book.
Instead, I cherry-pick movies, events, concerts, and books. I can watch the things I love again and again (and again), knowing that they will give me exactly what I want. I also don’t watch any movies or TV series recommended by algorithms. Instead, I use the best gauge to understand anything’s greatness: time.
The key is waiting long enough for anything to reveal its excellence. 99% of the time, the hype is over in a few days, weeks, or months, depending on the marketing budget for the event, movie, book, etc. Once the first hype wave is over, I evaluate if I want to wait a bit more. More often—also to my surprise—wait dispels the mist and unmasks the real value. However, deciding the length of the wait has a learning curve.
The waiting time is weeks for “latest” news, a few months for some movies, a few years for some music albums, and a few decades for some books. It differs for each. Learning the waiting time is the learning curve of building JOMO. You have to control your emotions, let go of your urges first, and catch them again at the right time. There is nothing scientific. It’s a matter of practice; once you’re fine with missing out on a few things, you learn when and how to enjoy. However, I must admit that JOMO is challenging as it is against human nature.
Humans have evolved and succeeded as a species because of the harmony we form in groups. We are much healthier when we are part of a group or a community. On the other hand, JOMO (eventually) makes you feel like you are not part of a group. When people talk about a topic you have no idea about, you feel alone. After various times, you don’t feel like you belong to the group anymore. I learned a way out of this situation.
I look for sub-groups within communities. In each group of friends, there is a variety of interests that are not shared by everyone. Finding them and forming smaller sub-groups based on them works remarkably well. If the group is diverse enough, I always find someone who wants to do things similar to me. After doing this with a few people from the same group but separately, I eventually felt I belonged to that group despite not contributing to the common denominator topics.
JOMO is my new way of life. It’s about being fine with missing out on things and even embracing this mentality. The trick is learning when to get involved and push yourself to join others and when to ignore the urge that pops up inside yourself. Choosing intriguing topics requires self-discovery and a learning curve. But once achieved, life becomes easier and more meaningful.
The purpose is to enjoy life while being fully yourself. That’s what JOMO is about.
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