Influence—Book Review, Summary and Notes

The Review

It is one of the fundamental books everyone should read to understand how various marketers, salespeople, etc, have influenced them.

I loved every chapter more than the one before. The majority of the book applies to everything we buy daily and to our relationships at work and home.

Before reading the book, I had been thinking about some of the concepts for a while. I can recognize some automatic behaviors, try to be mindful, and improve my decision-making. However, I wasn’t able to name what I was trying to do, and I didn’t know the methods at all; it was all trial and error for me. Not anymore.

Now, I know at least a few influence techniques used on me. I recognize them day-to-day more and try not to fall into them if I realize the action is fabricated to exploit my automatic behavior. Once I do, I make a better decision.

Although it’s a fantastic book, I started the book three times from scratch. First, I did inspectional reading (mainly systematic skimming), then analytical reading. I went back and forth, trying to understand what it told me, judge it, and reflect on my life.

Hence, it took me six months to read this book. In spite of the stories being entertaining, the book is not a page-turner. It’s not difficult to read from a language perspective but a challenge from an intellectual perspective. Learning a new thing every few pages was definitely rewarding, though.

It’s a phenomenal book, and I recommend that everyone have it, read it, digest it, and re-read it again and again.

Chapter 1: Levers of Influence

Click and Run

To cope with the current world’s complexity, humans have built shortcuts, stereotypes, and rules of thumb to save time and energy. These create automatic responses or triggers that we can’t control.

One of humans’ “click and run” commands is triggered when a reason is given right after a request. Just adding the word “because” activates the mechanism in people’s minds, and they obey the request. The reason doesn’t really matter. We can say, “Can I pass you in the line because I’m in a hurry?” or even, “Can I pass because I need to pass?” Both will result in the same.

Perceptual Contrast

Contrast principle: We compare things with our first reactions. Our first reaction to something decides our judgment on the next similar thing. For example, if we see an expensive car first, buying a cheap car will be less desirable. However, if we look at an affordable car first, buying an expensive one will be more desirable, and we’ll value that expensive car less in terms of money; it won’t look that expensive.

Chapter 2: Reciprocation

The Rule of Reciprocation

“We should try to repay what another person provided us.”

The rule is so strong that it overwhelms the influence factor (whether you like the person or not).

Customized Favor Works Better

The Rule of Reciprocation works better when the initial favor is customized to the person’s needs, especially when the influencer takes extra steps to fix a broken situation. When compared to having that situation proactively fixed, this broken situation may play better if handled correctly. This is where customer satisfaction works well after people reach out to customer support for the broken products; if they get a replacement or something to cover their needs, they are more likely to return the favor by purchasing more (when compared to having the non-broken product in the first place).

This customization power of the reciprocation rule makes it exploitable. The small first favor can force people to give even greater favors in return. By nature, we want to return the favor, and if the first favor was coming out of nowhere and fulfilled our needs, we take great distance to repay the debt and find ourselves paying 500% extra just to conform to the rule and not be seen as cheap or taker in the society. It is also making us part of the group/community.

Small Sacrifice to Reverse the Rule of Reciprocation

We don’t have to give the first thing to get back something. We can also make a small sacrifice from our initial request, and then that forces the rule of reciprocation on the other side, so they also make a sacrifice. Even when they do something they don’t want at all, they still obey and do that smaller favor. In this case, the person who makes the first request wins anyway. This can also be exploited or may not work in every case.

Exploiting reciprocation rule

The rule can be exploited or used by making the first request extra big or unacceptable. When the other person rejects the offer, they can accept the originally planned request. So, when asking about a favor that the other side might reject, exaggerate the initial request so your first request can be declined and you retreat to the original request. Then, the other side will retreat and likely accept your offer, which is what you wanted in the first place.

Reject and Retreat

The reject-and-retreat mechanism looks like manipulating others, and the other person might feel like a victim and not trust the person using the reject-and-retreat mechanism. However, all the parties in the research seem to be more satisfied with the approach. People feel they get fair treatment, and they also comply with future requests even more. A good example is blood donation: it’s used to collect blood on school campuses. Students were asked to donate blood twice a year for three years and then retreated to once only. During the donation, they were asked to give phone numbers to be contacted next year. The majority complied compared to the control group.

Exploit the reciprocation exploiter

When we receive a favor or reciprocation, we can accept the first gift and reject the rest once we identify that the first favor was used as a trick. Once we understand that it’s a trick, the rule of reciprocation doesn’t apply, and we don’t feel obligated to pay back the favor or debt we accumulated. In short, if people exploit the rule, we can also exploit the exploiters.

Chapter 3: Liking

Commercials exploit our friendships in any possible way. There is a simple rule. We like the things our friends recommend (or people we like, not necessarily friends). When we know that our purchase will benefit our friend in some way, we take the extra mile to help. Also, that’s why many celebrities are in the ads and recommend the product; we are more likely to buy just because we like the famous person. Moreover, when people try to sell someone or a doctor doing something to someone, they become more successful if the other side likes them.

A salesperson who is liked and can offer a fair price is the best. A doctor is never sued with the “I really like the doctor, but I want to sue them” phrase. Who destroys or goes against someone they like?

Physical Attractiveness

Good-looking people enjoy a significant amount of social advantage. They are always associated with better traits and receive more help when compared to others. Whether we like it or not, the result came out of as a result of many studies.

Similarity

We like people similar to us. When people know the similarities between each other, they get along well. When people make decisions, they tend to lean on the side they like, relate or find similarities. That’s also why so many ads use popular faces to associate their brand image with their likeness. It’s also why testimonials work too! People can relate if they see someone similar using the same product, and they are more likely to buy it.

Compliments

When we receive a compliment from someone, we tend to like them more, regardless of whether the compliment is genuine or an obvious suck-up. It’s also visible in job interviews. When an interviewee compliments something on the interviewer, they are more likely to pass the interview.

Compliments help to perfect someone’s occasional good behavior. If they are doing something at an 80% level, complimenting them boosts their performance to 100%. They will try to do more of what others complimented. But make these compliments not on the behavior but on the trait. Be genuine and find compliments the person will live up to. (Hawthorne Effect?)

More Contact Generate Likeness

We like people we have more contact with. Repeating the same lie again and again can result in people believing in it. In the same way, the more contact points we have with people who are unlike us, the more we begin liking them. This is also observed in groups. The real rival groups only start seeing each other as friends after they cooperate on things together. We see this in football fans who unite and work for charity. The cooperation resolves all rivalry. We can use the liking principle by bringing people together and giving them tasks to resolve together. However, the task should require contributions from both sides. Collaboration is key. Moreover, we like people who are willing to cooperate with us.

Association of Good and Bad Things

We associate unrelated things with people. Similar to Pavlov’s association of bells and food, humans associate good and bad things with people even when they have no relationship to an event. For example, bad weather and natural disasters are caused by nature. Still, due to weather forecasts being presented on TV, people relate these events to the presenter, who now isn’t liked anymore because of the bad weather. Moreover, we associate good things with ourselves while pushing bad results away. Good examples are football fans associating wins with themselves while losing is always the team’s mistake. This association is everywhere. If you have good and liked friends, you’ll be liked too. If you’ve bad guys befriended, you’ll be assumed bad, too.

Defense for Liking Influence

There is no easy way to find all techniques that are used to increase the likeness of a person and block these methods one by one. Instead, we can allow these methods to work, and right before making a decision, we should ask ourselves, “Do I like this salesperson more than I would have expected?” If the answer is yes, then we know there was something. Then, we can/should separate the decision from how much likeness the person has. Mentally separating the offer and the person does the trick. This should be the way we make any decision with money. In each decision, having more rationale than feelings is better.

Additional: Is it the same with leaders? Do we agree more with leaders we like?

95% of the people are followers of others who are called initiators, and this number falls into the 5% category. Initiators start a trend, an idea, or an ideology, and if they convince enough people, they can become greater. The more people find the idea correct (or good), the more the idea is conceived to be correct. That is how social proof works. Initiators convince enough people to make any idea correct, and those, in turn, make it even easier for newcomers to believe the idea as they see many people think it’s correct.

Peer-suasion

We tend to do things others who are similar to us do. The per-suasion is a strong driver. We want to be in the pack and conform to societal behaviors. But not with everyone. We follow people who are like us. For example, we buy similar stuff as a married couple if the other couple buys something. This is also true when we want to convince others to do a thing. I also observed this as a manager. When I mention someone in my team that their peer is also doing something I appreciate, they are more likely to follow it and replicate the behavior. When compared with something I do, they rarely follow me. Peers have more impact than me doing it.

When exploiters use social proof, we can and should go to these exploiters’ websites and force them to reveal that they used techniques to fool the crowd to lure them to their products. Moreover, if we are in line to get something just because there is a crowd, we can look around and ask ourselves why we are there. Are we driven by social influence or by our authentic desire to get that thing? I use this in real life a lot. Many testimonials, product reviews, and queues in front of restaurants/cafés don’t come real to me until I taste the food myself. It’s social proof that plays a significant role. Since I also stopped using social media and following popular culture, I can safely say I employed many techniques already. Yet, it’s good to be aware of many other cases where exploiters use social proof to drive people to products. The main thing is always stopping for a moment and asking ourselves, “Do I really want this? Is this true? Do these people really want to be here?”

Chapter 5: Authority

People, willingly or not, follow authority figures. Sometimes even in a blind fashion. A strong authority figure who is perceived as an expert can make others follow orders without any thinking. I also see this at work and social life. At work, I see that people follow my authority as an engineering manager of the team, even if I am not an expert on the technology of my team. Even sometimes, my decisions are questionable, but people follow them. I also see detriments of it. My team follows what I’m saying sometimes without thinking by themselves (or sharing those thoughts with me). However, authority doesn’t work when it is with command—ordering people to do things generates resentment. The authority should lead by being highly informed about the work and domain. Establishing authority also requires showing some vulnerability (otherwise, people don’t believe), especially in the beginning, to build trust. Accepting failure and acknowledging mistakes help build trust and people follow the authority more.

Defending Against Authority

To defend ourselves from following the authority, we can ask two questions:

Is this authority truly an expert on the topic?
How truthful can we expect this authority to be?

These questions will help with purchasing products in the right way, getting the correct feedback from our leaders at work, and making better decisions.

Chapter 6: Scarcity

Especially under risk & uncertainty, people will try to avoid losing a thing compared to obtaining that thing in the first place. I can see this in the pandemic era when people hoarded a lot of stuff with the psychology that they won’t be available anymore. Hoarding eventually led to unavailability and increased prices.

Moreover, this also applies to anything becoming less available than before or our access becoming limited to it; we desire that thing more than before. I can see this in my reaction to the decision to return to the office at work, where I desired to work remotely even more, though I had been going to the office for more than three days already.

New Scarcity

Most of the riots in black history started after blacks were granted more rights and then lost them again. Although the comparison is unfair, I observe a similar reaction when companies withdraw privileges they granted before, such as returning to the office after years of remote work practices. That is the strong scarcity principle: once granted or accessed, it is lost, and emotions build up to get it again.

Rivalry Makes Scarcity Stronger

Scarcity works even stronger in the presence of rivalry. When someone else wants the same thing that we barely wish to have, we desire it more in the presence of rivalry. Now, a scarce item becomes even more scarce because someone else has acquired it. We race it to own it and value it even higher.

Defending Against Scarcity

Defending against scarcity (in combination with rivalry) becomes difficult due to the emotions involved. Moreover, we mix up the value of the thing with us having the thing. The value of us having, eating, drinking, or using the thing doesn’t change. However, our arousal to that thing increases. We need to listen to our emotions and try to separate them from each other. Once we understand scarcity principles are at play, we can recognize the value we put and eliminate the desire to own that thing.

Chapter 7: Commitment and Consistency

We automatically have to stay consistent. Sometimes, it’s to our detriment, like staying stubborn in situations where we need to change our thoughts/behaviors. Sometimes, it’s used against us, like asking for a small commitment to do something (trivial donation to something) and then getting a more significant request that supports the previous trivial commitment and makes it much bigger. We, whether we want it or not, try to stay consistent with our previous behavior. I see this as not really-willing-to-change people at work. Also, leaders (including me) remain the same, doing the same things the same way over and over again.

I think I can also use this at work to influence others when I need to drive decisions or projects. Not in an exploiting way to harm, but rather make things easier for everyone.

Defending Against Consistency Exploitation

When we find ourselves in a situation in which we made a small commitment earlier and are now trapped in a bigger one, we can listen in to our stomach, which gives signs about the trap. We feel it in our gut, and if we listen to it, we can leverage it to get out of the commitment. Another sign is listening to our heart of heart. Asking ourselves, “Knowing what I know now, if I go back in time, would I make the same choice again?” and if the answer is no, we can pull ourselves out.

Commitment is often used on older people who tend to follow their commitments more. Also, in individualistic cultures like the US and Western Europe, people individually decide on consistency.

Chapter 8: Unity

Politics, sports and personal relationships are heavily influenced by one principle: unity (and loyalty). This has also been used in business. We buy from places where we feel that the salesperson is “one of us.” We favor political parties that signal as one of us rather than their success and concrete plans. In sports, fans follow their team and are more partisan if there is a stronger sense of loyalty to other fans involved. Moreover, all these unities also alter our behavior. We do similar things as part of the group. The stronger our friendship or relationship, the stronger we influence people’s behavior on our own.

Belonging Together Creates A Unity

The unity feelings can come from two categories: belonging together and acting together. With kinship and closeness in location, we feel united with our kin, people with whom we share genetics. But genetics is one source of this feeling; similar looking people also feel united under different umbrellas (through shared genetics in a distance). Moreover, the place or proximity to others forms a unity. When we open our homes to a few people, they feel closer because our homes are reserved for family. Welcoming them tells us that they are one of us. Inviting people gradually helps to form this feeling of closeness. Moreover, we also feel close and united if we share a common geological region of birth.

Acting Together Unites People

When we act together in sync, we start to like each other more and feel united. Whether dancing together, singing to the same song or suffering together. Especially when we do those in synchronous or complementary to each other, we feel more united. That’s why military marches have to be in perfect sync, or businesses organize team events that require members to act together in sync and help each other to reach the finish line. Moreover, we like people who ask us for advice. When a waiter gives advice on which food to choose today, we also consider them on our side as one of us.

Co-residence Unites People

Length of co-residence helps to feel united. The longer we stay in the same household, the more we unite. The same goes for kids and their friends. If we invite kids to our house, they shouldn’t be different from our kids; everybody should have the same responsibility to enhance unity feeling. The guest kid should also do chores and feel no different. The same is valid for adults, too. If we invite them for dinner, when they help set the table, they feel more united and closer.

United Diversely

People living in diverse neighborhoods feel more united as humans and are less prejudiced toward others. Not only in neighborhoods but also having a friend or someone closer helps reduce this prejudice and increases empathy, making it easy to unite with others. This unity doesn’t even need to have a friend around; only putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes increases the feeling of unity—a small step toward changing the world around us.

Chapter 9: Instant Influence

Technology evolved faster than our automatic responses. Our age is called the “Information Age,” not the “Knowledge Age,” for a reason. For any information to turn into knowledge, it has to be processed, digested, comprehended and integrated.

While we try to adapt to advancements, our brains and primitive automatic behaviors will try to use every shortcut possible. Due to the ever-growing information, these shortcuts will also increase proportionally with the cognitive overload in society.

We’ll make decisions based on these automatic behaviors, and we need to be aware of their influence. Compliance practitioners (such as marketing and salespeople) will continue to try to abuse these behaviors. These automatic behaviors are not always exploitative. They are only harmful when they are fabricated instead of occurring naturally. It’s crucial to separate the composed ones and reverse the effect.